When I close my eyes and envision what Captain America looks like, I don't see the generic tall strong white guy who holds a shield and has a weird mask/beanie on. No, I see a 6 foot 1 black man that has no need to hold a shield or a stupid mask/beanie, I see Jozy Altidore. He is the hero the US deserves and the one it needs right now. With a country that is torn between who it wants leading it, the answer is simple: Altidore 2016. If the January friendlies have taught this country anything, it's that Jozy is the most patriotic American in the country, he bleeds Red, White and Blue (when he is shape enough to play of course). The American Bald Eagle considers Jozy to be the majestic and strong willed symbol of this great nation. If Jozy were president, there would be no need for executive orders, because everything this man, no this LEGEND will do, will be for the benefit of this country. The fact that he took down the most hated country in the world in the 89th minute is all he needs to base his campaign on.
That's right Canada, everyone hates you. Canada is the reason behind all of the world’s problems, from famine to terrorism, Canada has been the major contributor to all of this. Let's list off some other stupid nonsensical things Canada has plagued the world with: hockey, saying “eh” after every sentence (they can’t even spell it right), free healthcare that takes months to see a doctor, and worst of all Justin Bieber. Their currency even has another countries queen on it. That would be like the US having King George III on our dollar bill. No, we have the guy that kicked his countries ass in the revolutionary war, George "Freedom" Washington. Canada, stop being so terrible and realize America is the gold standard in what it means to be a country. Let's consider the following metaphor, America is Ned Flanders and Canada is Homer Simpson. I know what you're saying, everyone hates Ned, and Homer is the star of the show. Well if you look deeper into The Simpsons, Ned is actually the star. The similarities between American and Ned Flanders are endless: The stupid countries hate us/Homer is retarded and hates Ned, Ned is shredded with muscles/America's Military is nothing to mess with. Everyone wants their kids to grow up to be like Ned/Everybody wants be American. It's not called the Canadian dream, it's called the American Dream.
The US should take Trump’s idea and modify it to where it is really needed, put a fence on the border between Canada and the US. But of course still have Mexico pay for it. Every year more and more Justin Biebers are sneaking into our country and pissing off all of us hard working, Americans. Now if only Jozy can just stop making late night Dunkin Donut runs and be too out of shape to play and getting sent home from the 2015 Gold Cup, maybe we have found the Captain America. Jozy 2016, let’s take a small 1 million dollar loan and get the campaign started. Or if he will self-fund this campaign too, Jozy/Trump 2016, we will not turn down money. And as usual, I will leave you with a quote that sums up the entire blog entry, and since there isn't anything more American than Kentucky Fried Chicken, we will us the legendary Colonel Sander's amazing quote, "I'm too drunk, to taste this chicken".