After reading Last Week’s No PC in Soccer Blog, I felt that I could not hold back anymore. Not In my wildest dreams would I ever have imagined you would be available again after your marriage to Servando Carrasco, but if you’re somehow persuaded to join the cesspool of singledom again (I mean last week’s article was pretty persuasive) then I want you to know you have another option). Now, I may not be a professional soccer player like your husband, but I am a blue eyed engineer with a thorough understanding of orbital mechanics. When the news broke that you were coming to Orlando to join the Pride my heart skipped a beat. I thought of Al Michaels at the 1980 Winter Olympics, “Do you believe in miracles?” Well Alex, I do. I definitely do.
have lived in Orlando all my life and your move to Orlando to join the Orlando Pride is the most exciting news since Harry Potter and Butter Beer appeared in Universal Studios. But instead of children running around with wands, robes, and pretending to fly a broom on a Quidditch pitch, this fan gets to watch you dominate the real pitch against the rest of the less fortunate NWSL teams. Now, in full seriousness, I’m not suggesting that you divorce Carrasco. Mainly because he is much bigger than me, and I’d rather he beat up the writer of last week’s blog. That way if they end up killing each other, I’ve got less competition. For now, I will settle for being besties. I will even settle for being pen pals – smoke signals will be just fine.
With undying love (or you know, eternal friendship)
PS – I’ll be at your first game anxiously awaiting your reply.
I know you're moving to Orlando to play for the Pride, and I'm not sure if you know this or not, but I also live in Orlando. Now, I'm not going to say that I have been praying and wishing that this would happen, but to be honest, I have.
Alex, do you believe in destiny? All we need is for you to divorce your "husband" and just give me an opportunity. It's not every day that you find a Latino with green eyes that has a great understanding of how the US economy works. I'm a rare breed baby, and I know for a fact that we will be perfect together. We have so much in common! You wear 13, I wore 13 in high school. You were on the cover of FIFA 16, I played FIFA 16. You're from California, I've been there once (it was alright). You scored a Hat Trick versus Trinidad & Tobago, I scored a Hat Trick in my intramural indoor league on the same night.
Hopefully when you take the field for the first time with the Orlando Pride, you will see my "Alex will you marry me?" sign and sub yourself out of the game and go to the courthouse to begin the divorce process. And as I do every week, I'll leave you with a quote, this week from the singer James Blunt, "You're Beautiful!"