After reading Last Week’s No PC in Soccer Blog, I felt that I could not hold back anymore. Not In my wildest dreams would I ever have imagined you would be available again after your marriage to Servando Carrasco, but if you’re somehow persuaded to join the cesspool of singledom again (I mean last week’s article was pretty persuasive) then I want you to know you have another option). Now, I may not be a professional soccer player like your husband, but I am a blue eyed engineer with a thorough understanding of orbital mechanics. When the news broke that you were coming to Orlando to join the Pride my heart skipped a beat. I thought of Al Michaels at the 1980 Winter Olympics, “Do you believe in miracles?” Well Alex, I do. I definitely do.
have lived in Orlando all my life and your move to Orlando to join the Orlando Pride is the most exciting news since Harry Potter and Butter Beer appeared in Universal Studios. But instead of children running around with wands, robes, and pretending to fly a broom on a Quidditch pitch, this fan gets to watch you dominate the real pitch against the rest of the less fortunate NWSL teams. Now, in full seriousness, I’m not suggesting that you divorce Carrasco. Mainly because he is much bigger than me, and I’d rather he beat up the writer of last week’s blog. That way if they end up killing each other, I’ve got less competition. For now, I will settle for being besties. I will even settle for being pen pals – smoke signals will be just fine.
With undying love (or you know, eternal friendship)
PS – I’ll be at your first game anxiously awaiting your reply.